Happy Family
Interview With The Fag Hags
Long Beach
From Issue 1.4, March/April 2005
So, how would you describe yourselves?
“Sexy.”
“Moronic.”
“Obnoxious”
“Violent.”
“Childish.”
“...and particularly cruel to their friends,” added Fag Hags dancer and cow bell ringer, Cheeseburger (who, just before the interview, was lit on fire by two out of the four band members as he slept in a hammock.)
In no uncertain terms, the band interviewed was the Fag Hags.
The characters involved were lead singer Mark Zamudio, drummer Lisa Pifer, bassist Carly Rodgers and guitarist Doug Less. Joining the four, were friends Marty and Cheeseburger. The latter friend being of the band, the Santa Ana Womb Stretchers, and who enjoyed adding festively slurred interjections to almost every question (which was largely the result of a good number of drinks.)
Before any alarms should go off in the heads of ultra-conservative, straight-edge citizens of politically and socially sensitive America, no, the name ‘Fag Hags’ is not a rip on homosexuals or anything demeaning to a particular group.
If anything, the name is simply a rip on the band members themselves as half the band is male and the other half female. The name, was in part thought up by founding, but former Fag Hags member Peter Archer (who Mark would like to give a “shout out” to.)
“Yeah, you guys are kind of like the Carpenters,” said Cheeseburger to no one in particular at the table.
“They were bulimic,” Zamudio said correcting him with a straight face. “We’re just fat.”
If the language is too much, stop reading this article, because it only persists if not to a greater degree as this story progresses.
In the words of Pifer, if what you are reading offends you, “Don’t read it.”
Although, their songs are simple discussions centered around girls, sex, beating off and booze, the band’s likability comes from the fact that their music (much like their personalities) is like a reflex-no holds and nothing barred.
In deference to anything along the lines of Iggy Pop’s type of shows or Darby Crash being packaged in licorice whips singing incoherently, but coherently enough to make out the lyrics that warranted laughs, the Fag Hags are a take on the rebellious screw-ups in music who play for all the right reasons.
Listen to their music; they are bound to make you laugh with songs such as “Beat Mag” and “Bitch.”
According to Zamudio, one magazine (whose name shall be withheld in the interest of taste) claimed their demo to be “trash” and a rip off of the New York Dolls.
How wrong the assumption.
Their sound ranges from Flipper to that of The Germs. It’s simple music that is easily heard and easily understated.
They are not punk, nor are they rip-offs of 70s glam rock that came to define bands such as the Dolls, MC5 or Television. They are not scum or fashion punks either, like The Casualities, and they certainly are not political.
“I say anti-music,” explained Pifer in describing what genre the Fag Hags fit into. “We play what we feel like playing. Right now, people say we sound punk, but we didn’t set a goal to be a punk rock band.”
“Real punk rock was hated. We’re not even punks; we’re scum rock,” said Zamudio.
“It’s been so long,” Zamudio continued, “that when people hear a band that’s loud and fast, they say, ‘oh, that’s punk.’ To me, punk was The Germs: Darby Crash putting a knife in peanut butter and Gigi Allen-the master of scum punks. No one can top Gigi Allen and anyone who says there’s someone better than Gigi Allen, can go fuck himself!”
Enough said on that.
Collectively, the Fag Hags come across as outwardly crass and a tad outspoken; they would be the first to admit that. However, their antics are more second nature than they are means of antagonizing the waves of Tipper Gores and scared parents in this country.
“That’s the thing,” said Zamudio. “We don’t do it to offend. We do stupid shit for real-not just for show.”
“It’s not like we’re playing to a first grade class,” said Rodgers.
Added Pifer, “If they don’t like it, don’t buy it. If it upsets you, don’t look at it. It’s like with porn or with shopping. Like, I don’t shop at Macy’s just so that the salesperson can follow me around and treat me rude.... We just write out what comes to mind.”
“Wow, you guys had a better answer than what I would have said. That’s why you guys are in a band,” said Cheeseburger.
The four practice about once a month (only if everyone feels like it), and are more friends than they are a band.
Lisa described the Fag Hags as more of a “sick and twisted family” as oposed to all the serious bands out there.
A typical practice usually results in a lot of drinking and then eating hot wings
“That’s my favorite part of the band: Mark feeds me,” said Less.
They are spontaneous more than they are calculated.
Take for example, Less.
“Our first guitar player got the boot, so Doug got to be guitar player,” explained Pifer.
“Yeah, the other one flaked out,” added Zamudio.
“They won’t let me quit,” countered Less.
What is different about these four, is how obvious it is they are just doing this band for fun.
Their only goal is to be in this magazine (which was commented with obvious sarcasm).
When asked where their dream venue would be, someone offered up Angels Stadium. Someone else said Whitee’s Northtown Tavern (around the corner from Zamudio’s house). Their favorite place to play is at friend Jim Carmona’s house with “a bunch of other real bands that aren’t trying to be fancy,” explained Pifer.
And, that is what makes the Fag Hags likeable: they’re not trying to be perfect.
The only reason Zamudio and Pifer started the band back in January of 2003 was, “because I hate music,” said Zamudio flatly, “and I hate bands that play music I don’t like.”
It is most likely for that reason, that those who have listened to the Fag Hags, like their music.
“Most people say they like things that are wrong. There’s not a lot of people who play things that are wrong,” said Zamudio.
“Some people just get it,” said Pifer, “that we’re just fucking playing it.”
“They’re not just the presidents,” said Cheeseburger. “They’re the clients too.”
Repeat again. You’re not confused. Maybe that makes some sense.