Comedic Relief

Interview With Local Retards

La Puente

August 29, 2018

ONTARIO, CALIF. – Say Local Retards five times fast without cracking a smile, or just try saying it even once without laughing.

A joke between two friends was the impetus for the La Puente band’s name. Drummer Michael and bassist Ralph used to work in various factories when they were 18.

“We were just like imagine they send us down [to the factory] and we burn it down and on the news it’s ‘Oh, local retards burned down a factory,’” Michael explained. “So it started as a joke and then we just chose that as the name.”

The five-piece, which turns three in October, also includes Eric on vocals, Nick on guitar and Fernando on second guitar.

“We, of course, don’t mean anything towards the mentally challenged,” Michael said when asked if they catch any pushback over the name.

“We all have family members who have some sort of disability in one way or another,” added Eric.

It’s almost midnight on a Saturday and the band – minus Nick – are standing on the driveway of an Ontario house, flanked by two churches with one’s sign proclaiming “The Church of God Meets Here.” It seems like a fitting setting for their interview. They’ve just capped playing a rowdy set that included an out-of-control mosh pit that steamrolled its way through an earlier band’s performance, and Ralph’s bass amp losing it about midway through the set, forcing him to join the revelers as the rest of the band played on.

Fernando joined the group not long after the interview began, clutching a burrito.

“You’re supposed to be in this interview,” Eric said as Fernando joined the huddle.

“Yeah, we’re being interviewed. Telemundo,” Michael said.

“What they said,” Fernando said. “What they said.”

Michael continued to drive home his point on the band name.

“It’s a curse word,” he continued. “We’re not making fun of a person with a mental disability. If you see it like that, someone can run with that. I’ll fuck them up, but it is what it is.”

“This is recording, right?” Eric asked, pointing to the tape recorder.

“I did not know that,” Michael said pointedly. “Hey, mom. Hola.”

And with that, it’s 20 more minutes of fast-paced talking, mixed with a steady flow of jokes to the point where it’s so stream of consciousness, it’s hard to tell where the serious answer ends and a sarcastic quip begins.

The Local Retards met one another in high school after the now defunct Issued Gnarcotics disbanded.

“Do you like System of a Down,” Michael said, when asked what the first band sounded like. “You would have hated them.”

“We were terrible,” Eric said before also clarifying they drew no inspiration whatsoever from the aforementioned band, before turning to Michael to implore, “Don’t say that shit.”

The band agree they’re punk but conclude it’s the listener’s call as to whether they want to dub them hardcore or any other subgenre for that matter.

“At the end of the day, we’re punk,” Eric said.

“I like the music,” Ralph said of punk. “It’s fast; it just feels right. If you hear it and play it, it just feels good.”

The band’s also semi-political but Eric, who writes the lyrics, steers clear from making that leap to call Local Retards a political band.

“I don’t consider us political because I honestly hate that,” Eric said, but I do write about the government. Gun control I’ve written about and controversy in the government type of shit.”

The song “Ku Klux Slam” derides racism and calls for unity, while other songs such as “I Don’t Give a Damn” are much broader in its anthemic cries against judgmental, singular ways of thinking.

“I feel like a lot of shit going on nowadays, people need to be woke about this,” Eric said. “They need to really educate themselves about what’s going on. I feel like when I write lyrics down, that’s when I send that message out there. Whether people listen or not, I don’t fucking know – which I kind of doubt unless they go on YouTube.”  

The band is one of the more productive in the current scene. They’re typically playing at least once every weekend and have a 31-track library on SoundCloud that would be the envy of many considering some bands struggle to even push out a practice. Their release cadence has been such that they’ve been recording in December when gigs begin to thin out, driving out to Apple Valley where Nick lives to record. They then release their new material in January.

“That’d be fucking amazing [to release an album],” Michael said. “At the same time, we don’t have to do it. It doesn’t matter, I guess. It would be cool, but we don’t have the money for that. We all work minimum wage jobs that barely get us by. We’re not spending $1,000 just to get recorded by professionals if we could do it on our phone. We work with what we’ve got.”

And so far there’s been nothing wrong with doing it that way. The Local Retards have garnered a following of fans and they’re hell bent on maintaining the DIY ethos, which partly explains their preference for playing backyards over traditional venues, although they’ll gladly play either format.

“You can never compare the close interaction of the crowd and the band,” Eric said. “Never. When you’re playing a backyard it’s more intimate, especially with the crowd.”

“I don’t like being up on stage. I hate it. It’s fucking awkward,” Michael added. “I’m not about to pay $7 for a short neck.”

That’s why the group is in agreement the best show so far was in South Central at the start of this year: two stages in an abandoned parking lot with a steady stream of punks playing on one side and ska acts on the other. It was crazy they said and, more simply, it was fun – the driver for why they play as much as they do, with their own money and no label backing.

“It’s fucking fun,” Michael said. “Honestly. All bullshit aside, it’s fun. All our friends are still in the scene.”

“If we weren’t in this band, I don’t know what the fuck I’d be doing with my weekends,” Eric said.

“I’d probably be cleaning my room right now," Michael said. "I’d probably still live with my mom and have a good job.”

It’s a lot of self-deprecating humor as they steer clear of anything overly self-congratulatory, except at one point in the conversation when prompted to say what they admire most about one another. Michael, labeled the band leader by the rest of the group, took the reins:

“I don’t like him,” he said jokingly of Eric. “No, I like his writing technique. It’s nothing like what I’ve read before. I don’t want to be cliché, but his writing style’s way different. [Ralph’s] bass shit is finger-licking good. [Fernando’s] guitar shit is fucking amazing and Nick is just a fucking genius when it comes to riffs, because it’s so catchy. That’s what it is. Everyone delivers and I just play drums.”

“When we first started, he had never picked up drumsticks in his life,” Eric said of Michael. “He basically taught himself and kept on going.”

And the Local Retards will also keep going. As far as what’s next: “Frank & Son,” Fernando said citing the collectables market held in the City of Industry.

Michael and Eric don’t bat an eye at the joke as they answer with something far more serious, to override any assumptions or misconceptions someone may have upon first glance at the band based on name alone and probably the best way to end the evening.

“If you would have asked me that question last year, I would have said I wanted to get signed,” Michael said. “We have close friends that are signed and it’s like ‘Oh, we can’t do this show because the label said no,’ or ‘We have to refrain from playing so often because we have to be seen with big bands.”

“We try to stay as DIY as possible,” Eric said. “If we get signed, then we’re doing what they tell us to do and we’re not down with that shit.”

“We make our own CDs. We pay for our own T-shirts and patches. We give everything out for free and we do it ourselves,” Michael said. “So, hands down, fuck a label because no one’s going to tell me what to do.”

Keep In Touch

Instagram: @xlocalretardsx

Music: SoundCloud or YouTube